Catch a Falling Star

...Or maybe a falling fashion blogger?  I have yet to actually try on and successfully walk in a pair of magical and mystical heeless pumps. I should probably get on that.

But anyway, I could take this time to blab on about how awesome my kindred spirit Greg Selkoe is, or further philosophize on the Lorena-Bobbitization of the high-heeled shoe, but instead I'll just show you these awesome and adorable Jeffery Campbell 'Starynite' shoes available on karmaloop.com. Who needs a traditional, penis-shaped heel when instead you could use an adorable metallic star heel? This is by far the cutest and least creepy heeless platform shoe I have seen yet.

Jeffrey Campbell Starynite Shoe in black

(Image  Credit: KarmaLoop.com)

Clear's The Thing III

Most of the time when someone says Chanel, I think of the subtly elderly (though never out of style) quilted purses my Mom used to wear in the late 80s. Well, kudos to you,  Karl Lagerfield, this is no longer the case.  

(Image Credit: mystylistsays.com)

Chanel- Cassette Clutch

(Also available in Opaque Black)

Clear's The Thing II

It's shockingly practical. Not just for Chanel, but for the entire fashion world. Why let the random clutter of your over-sized briefcase-purse hybrid hide from your blind, desperately scrummaging hand, when instead it could be compartmentalized, ordered, and displayed in broad daylight? It's hardly a briefcase, it's a toolbox. The emergency-car-break-down kit of your daily life, polished up by a designer logo and luxe chain strap. The implied monopoly is also brilliant- if you want your compact/purse/sunglasses/lipstick to fit perfectly, they better be Chanel too. 

But I'm still left wondering...Where is the clasp? How does it open? Do I need a screwdriver?

(Image Credit: luuux.com)

Chanel- Perspex Briefcase

Clear's The Thing I

I'd like to say I saw this coming. When I was about 10 I bought a hot pink, see-through plastic purse from forever21 and cherish it to this day. A decade later (gasp. *insert quarter life crisis here.*) the rest of the world seems to have caught on. In the next few posts, I share the height of transparent awesomeness, as we move towards a futuristic society where "fabric"  is slowly becoming obsolete, and big brother is always watching. 

(Why he cares about the veins on your feet though, I have no idea. Was Big Brother a Foot Fetishist? Now that's a thesis that needs to be written.)

(Image Credit: fashionbombdaily.com)

Christian Louboutin- Unbout Illusion Pump in Neon Yellow

(Also available in Red and Black)

Amoeba is the New Black

You know it's truly a great time to be alive in fashion when bloggers are calling this a Must-Have item. Yes, unless your wardrobe contains a purse that looks like an alien, complete with liquid-cylon-alien-high-tech goo (actually the same kindergarten science behind why oil and water don't mix, but you know, close enough) you might as well just wear a potato sack. 

(Image Credit: http://whoareweintheend.blogspot.com)

Christopher Kane PVC Clutch

And it doesn't even stop there, oh no. Is the Armageddon upon us? Can you not find the Men in Black? Do you need armor to help fight for our noble planet a la Independence Day? Yeah, They have shirts for that.

                                     (Image Credits: http://whoareweintheend.blogspot.com, wondermode.com)

What. The. Hot. Fuck.

Yes, it's pretty obvious I stole this from ManRepeller. But seriously if this doesn't deserve a re-post then I don't think anything in the history of the world does. I don't know what's scarier- the fact that these cost about your monthly rent on a centrally-located two bedroom apartment, the fact that someone somewhere is actually paying that much for them, or the fact that the more I stare at them, the more I think "hey, maybe I could make those work after all..." Fun Fact: I'm pretty sure that same metallic fabric made an appearance in at least three of my home-made halloween costumes before the age of 10. If you want your foot to resemble an all-in-one parade float meets fairy-princess-carnival, look no further.

(Image Credit: Farfetch.com)

Meadham Kirchhoff- Sparkle Pom Pom Platform Sandal

Strike!

Hot Pink, See-Through, Platform Bowling Shoes/ Loafers....Except actually an attractive and brilliant idea. I am really enjoying the current renaissance of colorful, transparent plastic materials.(I realize these don't fit quite into that category, but close enough). Now if only they made mini poodle skirts...

(Image Credit: Nasty Gal)

Jeffrey Campbell Carter Platform in Fuschia

High Fashion Porn: Brian Atwood Wedding

'Tis the season...You may be wondering "Punch, you have such unique and crazy style, but what would you wear to your wedding if you won the lottery?" (OK, this is probably not the first thing on your mind...I said 'may')

The answer, my dears, are these fluffily-flower swaddled, bedazzled babies:

(Image Credit: Brian Atwood)

Brian Atwood Aurora Embellished Satin Sandals in White- $3,440

ShoutOutz to ManRepeller for bringing them to my attention. Sorry if you were expecting a dress. But with those on your feet, seriously who cares what else you're wearing. I could think of no better combination of rhinestone heel and floral ankle dollop. And if I haven't won the lottery, and find myself in need of something stolen 'borrowed' and blue, these will do just as well, thanks.

(Image Credit: Shoerazzi.com)

Brian Atwood Aurora Embellished Satin Sandals in Blue

High Fashion Porn: Brian Atwood

(Image Credit: Brian Atwood)

Brian Atwood Maniac Strass Rainbow Pump- $1,195

When RainbowBrite turns 18, makes thousands canoodling with TV executives, goes out clubbing, and develops an embarrassing coke habit that ends up all over the cover of National Enquirer, these are what she wears. 

Jeffrey CAMPbell, Anyone?

(Image Credit: Nastygal.com)

Happy Cork Platforms by Jeffrey Campbell

Kind of like the neon, plastic bracelets you used to weave at Summer Camp...except sluttier and for your feet. 

High Fashion Porn: Mara Hoffman

(Image Credit: Nasty Gal)

Veracruz Dress by Mara Hoffman

If you find yourself with over $200 to drop on a summer dress, it'd be pretty hard to beat this bright, Aztec/ Mayan/ Indian/ Something design. I am a conscientious and politically correct person I swear.

Keep Up with the Joneses... But Dress like the Drapers

So apparently the Mad Men TV phenomena is not-so-subtly working its way into our wardrobes. I am told that the clothing selection my generation has today is actually unbelievable compared to my parents' growing up in the 50s and 60s. Even Wikipedia acknowledges that starting around the 80s, for the first time we started to see multiple styles and trends coexist instead of just two predominantly 'civilised' or 'countercultural' looks with very few other options, and still very little variety available within those two particular styles.

Regardless, these are great. I'm not sure if I could bring myself to drop that much on mere plastic sunglasses (yet for shoes it would somehow seems justified? and I'll probably wear the sunglasses more?) Till then, desperately waiting for knockoffs.

Kate Spade New York Angelique Retro Sunglasses in in Pink and Pink/Orange ~ $88-$130

Diesel Retro Purple and Orange Sunglasses- $108 

The Smoking...Shoe?

So I rarely blog about anything that might also grace the pages of $ea of $hoe$, but these are certainly a worthy exception. Presenting today's High Fashion Porn Fix:

Prada Patent Leather Lips Platform Sandal- $890

Image Credit to Prada

Apparently the laws against smoking adds have become so restrictive that they now must resort to designer footwear collaborations. And what's this? They're actually wearable? are heels finally starting to come back down again after over a year of  Skyscraper-Platform-Hooker-Heel Chic? But I suppose that's for another post.

Honestly they look like they could be $800 cheaper and off a Betsey Johnson rack...which is certainly not a bad thing in my book. Though this does make me wonder- Do people covet certain shoes, clothes, designers etc. just because of how expensive they are? If we cut the labels out of a bunch of clothes and put them all on the same rack for the same price, would we be surprised by what people picked up? Is the expensive runway original necessarily better than the legion of imitations it inspires? With cheaper brands looking to always please consumers, democratically offering many more color choices and styles for a given product than their confident, bow-to-none high end counterparts, where is it really best to shop?

The Little Black Shoe

One thing I surprisingly don't own is a standby pair of black, formal heels. (Obviously, a versatile wardrobe necessity). I've been getting by with a great pair of sandals and some slightly more outfit-specific booties, but in the chilly months or with a longer skirt simply neither will do.

The Current Collection:

Betsey Johnson Law- ~$130

(Can be found for less) ..............................................Steve Madden Luxe Suede Pump- $90

If you liked the look of the second pair, I apologize. Thirty minutes of googling could not yield the picture or official style name. Sorry to be such a FashionTease. (And please excuse my dry, scarcely shaven legs. Like I said, it's February)

I know, I know, not quite in keeping with the "Fashion Blog for Everyone" Mantra price-wise, but considering the amount of wear I get out of them it's pretty worth it. Anyway, Enter the Runners up for the next major Little Black Shoe:

The second I saw this silouhette I was in love. I am a huge fan of the bow-on-heel movement*, and the rhinestones are the perfect finishing touch. For what it's worth this shoe also comes in a bright Christmassy Red and Girly Pink which are also amazing, but trying to stay on task here.

(*I soon hope to see actual acrylic bows on the back of spike heels. Also: bows laterally wrapped midway around the entire shoe like a fabulous christmas present of fashion. You heard it here first!)

Betsey Johnson Caseyy-R- ~$80 ($130 Full Retail)

So this one I just saw now but I think also deserves a shout-out. I am a sucker for anything printed/Newspaper looking. (Also available in

inverse black on white)

..............................Ed Hardy Mato Pump- $69.99

Alright, not nearly as sophisticated as we were going for and back on the bootie-bandwagon, but they're pretty badass and would look great for a night out on the town. I've been looking at these for awhile but have had trouble overcoming the $90 price tag.

Iron Fist Digi Skull Bootie- $89.99

Yet another Iron Fist pick. (I warned you- they are quickly becoming one of my favorite brands).

Again, more attitude than you might take to dinner at the Ritz... but how often do you really eat there anyway?

I would probably already own these if it weren't for a.) the price tag and b.) the fact that the height of that heel actually frightens me a little (a deadly weapon of its own at 5").

(If you like the artwork but not the shoe, a shirt and bag are also available at their website)

Iron Fist Parting Kiss- $89.99

And while we're on the topic of things I can't afford, here's a little High Fashion Porn to whet your appetite. (Yes, these were sported by Zoe Kravitz)

Alexander Wang "Liya" Pumps- $615

(Made from Suede, Leather, and...Stingray!?)

(High Five if you immediately thought of the "Manta Ray" Designer joke from SpiceWorld)